Here is some truth for you:

I run mother-son connection retreats and I’m feeling my teenage son pulling away from me.

I am feeling the most disconnected I ever have from him.

In my mind I’m thinking: don’t tell your readers that.

No one is going to take you seriously or buy your retreat if you admit that your own teenage son distancing from you.

That’s what my mind says.

My heart says: keep being authentic. keep being real. always be honest.

And ALSO - this is what science says: biologically, boys are meant to distance from the family in adolescence. It’s a primal, ancient mechanism wired into their nervous systems. Why? To prevent incest in tribal cultures, boys needed to leave the nest, seek new tribes, claim independence, become men. So when your 13-year-old suddenly doesn’t want to hug or chat… it makes sense. It’s nature doing its thing.

And in this house it's coming in ebbs and flows. This morning he didn't want to hug me and mocked my friends. Then this afternoon we were playing cricket in the yard and nearly in tears laughing at an inside joke and he said "I love you" without me saying it first (YAY! hahah)...

The pic above is from last year. It came up on my phone and I saw the little boy in it. The one who still thought I was a cool mum.

So what can we do when our teens pull away?

We don't guilt them. Or shame them. Or manipulate them.
We don’t chase.
We don’t close our hearts.

We remember this: his resistance isn’t personal. It’s not rejection of you, it’s his nervous system trying to figure out how to become his own person.

We hold steady.
We stay open.
We continue showing up in small, consistent, unconditional ways.

When we drop the fear and stay rooted in love...not clingy love, but spacious, steady love...we become a safe place for them to return to.

Even when they roll their eyes.
Even when they grunt instead of speak.

So, dear mum of a teen boy (and girl).
You’re not failing.
You’re not alone.
And your love is still working ...even if it doesn’t look the way it used to.

With you in it,
Daniela & The Gather Project team